HELP................AGAIN

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Permalink Reply by 18 visions of unknownness on February 1, 2009 at 12:13pm

thanks guys

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Permalink Reply by 18 visions of unknownness on February 3, 2009 at 1:16pm

not yet

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Permalink Reply by Iancu Gabriela on February 1, 2009 at 10:29pm

Omg... stop her...really....tell her that suicide is not a solution. I wonder why she wants to kill herself, if is just a teen's problem tell her everytime to wait 5 minutes ( she'll get fine )..BUT DON'T LET HER COMMIT SUICIDE!
( ...it was a boy in my school that killed himself 2 or 3 weeks ago :( )
If it gets worse...tell her parents so they can make her see a doctor :( ( sometimes is necessary )

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Permalink Reply by Indur Dawndeath on February 2, 2009 at 1:48pm

"Suicidal" does not just describe those who successfully kill themselves, or even only attempt it. "Suicidal" describes the earnest desire to bring ones own life to an end - whether it is acted upon or not:

1 a: dangerous especially to life b: destructive to one's own interests
2: relating to or of the nature of suicide
3: marked by an impulse to commit suicide
(Merriam-Webster's)

Many suicidal people are kept from acting on the impulse, for many different reasons. For me, it was to a great extent the thought of what it would do to my family. It was also the knowledge (faint though it was at the time) that my situation was not actually as bad as my depression was making me feel it was.

If your friend is serious, Unknown, then I would concur with Ty's advice. But I would also suggest talking to her directly about it first. Tell her that you want her to talk to someone about this, because you care about her. Tell her that you are not going to go behind her back, but that you have to let someone know. Let her help to choose who. Talk with her about why she wants to kill herself, if she wants to talk, but don't push her to talk, or try to tell her what to do - you are not a professional in this matter. She may find that simply talking with you about what she's going through is enough to stave off the desire to commit suicide; but even if she says that's the case, insist that she still talk to someone else. It may sound harsh, but people who are genuinely suicidal are not to be wholly trusted. Call the person you've both agreed to there and then - don't leave it 'til later. You should let her know that you are there to talk to if she wants to at any point - that you're not going to walk away. But ONLY if you mean to be there. Don't make any promises you can't keep - this is very important.

Beyond that, I would hesitate to give further advice, as I am also not a professional in this matter. I can only speak from the knowledge of what I can now see would have helped me during my lowest points.

Hope all goes well.

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Permalink Reply by Kat on February 3, 2009 at 1:36pm

Your friend may just need someone to talk to at this point. In most cases, if someone is willing to say out loud that they want to kill themselves, then they really just want someone to tell them why they shouldn't. I would definitely talk to your friend about the reasons before you take any action. You may think that going to a counselor or their parents is the right thing to do but if the parent's are the problem then that may only make matters worse. The fact of the matter is, if your friend is just depressed, then try to cheer them up the best you can, but if your friend is serious, then this matter is too big for you to handle and will most likely be to taxing to you emotionally in the long run. Just try talking to them before you do anything else. Some people just need someone to talk to. Hope that helps and keep us posted if any of this does help.

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Permalink Reply by Jaana on February 3, 2009 at 1:43pm

what a difficult place you are in,

but first and foremost don't you EVER go telling her that she should just do it if she feels like it and the worst even, "cheer up" - that is probably the most catastrophic 2 words you can possibly say in that situation. if she is really depressed and haunted to a degree where she starts to talk suicide then there is no way in this world that she could possibly know how to cheer up.. if she would, well what do you think?!! she probably wouldn't be even thinking about suicide, let alone talking about it.

someone saying that they want to do away with themselves is never a light talk. it certainly is no attention seeking. it is a sign of severe depression and/or very troubled phrase in someone's life and it needs serious attention and reaction. it can also be a way for someone to try to tell and ask people around her to help because she is unable to otherwise put words her pain, and she doesn't know what could help her in that situation so that is the only way she can ask for help, to show someone that this is not some light trouble that will soon go away but something that is quite literally affecting her so that she is mentally strangling.

I know it is the most shittiest and hardest situation to be in when hearing those words come out of someone's mouth, but like it or not you should and you must react to it. first of all be there for her and try to ask what she means, if something has happened to her lately or is it because she has been feeling bad longer period of times. according to her answer try to think who would be next the best person to direct her to or who to tell, she might need some councelling or at least heavy support and people around her to start taking her seriously and not to make fun of her problems by telling her to cheer up. that is like giving her the knife.

as long as someone first starts talking about suicide then there is still something to be done to the situation, the cause is not lost. the ones who are already determined to kill themselves do not speak about it anymore. suicide talk is asking for help, a sign that the person in trouble has not yet given up and she needs to be helped back on her tracks.

talk to her, and don't leave her alone (mentally). it is a tough call but if you are the only one who she's been telling this then it is you who need to react to it, don't you dare run away from her now. and don't go all scared shit around her, she is no mental basket case, she is no weirdo, she is not in any way any sort of idiot, she is still the very same person you've known, she is just now in a very difficult situation and she needs help, she needs others to make her feel better again. she just cannot do it alone anymore. that is not weakness. we all are at some point of our lives in situation when everything becomes unbearable and we feel helpless in front of it.

she is asking for assistance. she is asking for tools to mend her own life back into tracks because she is temporarely lost her own tools. so be there for her and guide her to people who can help her the best, it is best that you don't leave yourself responsible alone to help her, it is too much for you to bear and it might take more to help her than what you've got.

tell her other friends, talk to her family, take her to see a council, anything. just DON'T ignore her. it's not attention she needs, she needs help. when someone talks about suicide and is depressed enough to do so then you should know that it is not any sort of pride moment for anyone and it takes more than one could guess to speak those words. human being is in most vulnerable state then. so she needs caring and help, just telling her to cheer up and stop whining are just the wrong tools for this.

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Permalink Reply by Indur Dawndeath on February 3, 2009 at 5:10pm

Very sound advice, Jaana.

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Permalink Reply by Kat on February 4, 2009 at 5:58am

While I agree with some of the things you said I have to say that you're making a lot of assumptions here. The only reason I think most of the people who replied here did so is because they have had personal experience with depression or suicide in some way or another. Everyone is different and experiences emotions differently. I have known plenty of people who would use the talk of suicide as a way to get attention so that really can't be ruled out since none of us know this girl.

More importantly, I do agree that this is not something you should take on on your own. As a matter of fact, you may not want to take this on at all. It is one thing to care about a friend, but it is another thing to completely take responsibility for someone else's happiness. In the end this could be detrimental to the both of you. It can really take a toll on your emotional well-being and it enables the other person to be co-dependent. Sometimes it is best in these situations to tell the person that you care about them very much but then hand the heavy stuff off to the adults in her life, (or professionals) that are equipped to carry such a burden.

Just because someone is asking for assistance, or "tools to mend her own life", doesn't mean that you are the person who has those tools or are the best person to provide that assistance. The only thing I can say, once again, is to talk to this girl and try to gauge what people (other than yourself) this girl really needs to talk to so that she can be taught the proper way to handle these emotions. Has anyone mentioned the age of this girl?

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Permalink Reply by 18 visions of unknownness on February 27, 2009 at 1:56pm

a what

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Permalink Reply by Bianca on April 8, 2009 at 7:15am

Story time. My little sister's friend was dating a guy I went to school with. He was a jock, popular, everyone thought he was cool and fun. Anyway, he would get drunk, she'd want to go home and eventually it turned into "stop drinking so much or I can't date you anymore." well to that he would say, "I'd kill myself." For months this girl would go through with him saying that, she'd leave and he'd call/txt her the next morning saying "sorry"

One night a bunch of us went out because a fun band was playing, and at the end of the evening this guy wanted my sister's friend to go home with him. She didn't want to and again he said he'd kill himself. Well she went to a "slumber party" with her girl friends *i went home* and the next morning the dude's mother called this girl and told her that he hung himself at his house last night.

I do not know how many times I told her he was probably just being a drama queen and to ignore him. I thought he was begging for attention and control over her. How sad that none of us saw it seriously coming, and I will regret not 'trying' to help.

I can name five other guys I went to school with that killed themselves and EVERYONE thought they were bluffing. I would never ever try to "call someone's bluff" when it comes to suicide.

Bottom line, if its your friend all you can do is be there for them and try to help them find some sort of help.

Too many people underestimate the power of friendship.

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Permalink Reply by 18 visions of unknownness on April 10, 2009 at 3:14pm

wow,thanks,all try that

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